Hi Neighbor - A Texan Visits Memphis

Well, heidie ho, neighbor, it was good of you to come all the way to Memphis! I know them Ford boys done did prolly grope them some hottie and you, being a liberal white girl, didn't mind it a bit. :)




Kami meets 2 Ford brothers after being in town for only 5 seconds

(Photo stolen Memphis-style from Kami's private collection)

I told you that you'd meet some Fords. And I told you so much more, everything you could ever want to know about Memphis politics but were afraid to ask. And they told you quite a bit, too. And I know I pissed you off while you were in Arkansas in the Bill Clinton Library and I texted you to ask if they hand out knee pads to every woman who visits. But it was damned funny and you know it.

Who would have guessed that the band I walked past as I was leaving your hotel and they were just arriving, the band with the funky woman who was sitting in the floor locked out of the room later that night, was the Black Crowes? I had no idea. I just knew they were obviously a rock band of some kind, but I was distracted.

Beale Street during Harleymania was fun. Too bad we weren't thinking "Fug Tuesday" or whatever, 'cause Memphis has just so much fug, and a lot of it finds its' way down to Beale street whenever there's a party going on. There's always some hotness mixed in there amongst the fuglies, but just enough to make it bearable, I guess.


Kami the biker babe on Beale Street

Sorry we missed the photo opportunity of Mr. Mullet Man. I still think it would've been funny to post his picture and say it was me. So many women would be a-pukin' and a-wretchin'. Ah well, my rep is probably better off because of it, but there's nothing like a good joke to stir things up. And that dude was a good joke if ever there was one.

Your friend, Miss Memphis, is cool. I'd call her "Memphis" like you all do, but that would just be too confusing. And I'd call her Mrs. Memphis, but that would make it seem like she was married to me. And Ms. Memphis just sounds like an angry lesbian, so that's right out. Anyway, you were right, she's got charisma out the rear (notice how I didn't say anything about how you told me to check out her ass because you wish yours looked like hers.) I wish I'd met her before she got all packed up and ready to move East to better places and larger spaces. She's fun. But at least now I know that when I see them hits on my blog from a certain cracker subdivision outside of Memphis just who it is.

Hi Miss Memphis, it was good to meet you, too!



Miss Memphis and Mrs K
rejecting shiny-shirted men at the Peabody Rooftop Party

That poor guy with the chest hair and the shiny shirt sure did lose out when he lost her, but then he doesn't really know what happened, does he? Dude ended up with The Librarian by the end of the night, and that despite there being so much tail to choose from up there on the roof of the Peabody. Oh well, better her than the implant lady who loves the tanning bed, I guess.

Tell Miss Memphis that I said "thanks for the beer." And thank you, Kami, for the second beer and all the beers the night before. And for the case of Shiner, especially! I can't believe you brought that all the way from Texas just for me. You beered me good!

I don't mean to harass you about being a liberal white girl in sandals going to the Civil Rights Museum to feel all guilty and apologize for things you never did, but it's just so easy and so cliche. And so much fun.

Your next stop in New Orleans, that Country Fried Girl, is emailing me, while you're walking around looking at the place where Martin Luther King was shot, and Jesse Jackson began, and feeling all bad about your honkey self. We both feel fine. See what you're missing out on? And after your guilt-trip, you have to drive all the way through Mississippi just to get down to where she is, in the swamps of Louisianna. I hope you packed several bottles of OFF! 'cause girl, you're gonna need it down there. It's like Houston on steroids.

I broke my own rule. And just for you. I had always sworn I would never meet in person anyone that I only knew online. Tammy and Michelle don't love me 'cause when I was in Texas, they didn't come. And I didn't realize that Tammi and Melanie and Officer Matt were close by, too, or I would've invited them as well. I guess if I'm going to break my rule I might as well have done it big-time. But maybe next time I'm in town, we can have us a big party. In the meantime, I hope the party on Beale and the party on the roof of the Peabody entertained you. I know I had fun. I didn't get much sleep, but I had fun, by God.

Ya'll come back now, ya'hear?




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