Boogers

Have you ever walked around with a dried booger on the end of your nose? You’re smiling and talking to everyone you meet, completely unaware that you have this dried blob of nastiness right in the center of your face. And all the while everyone you meet is smiling and thinking to themselves, “What the hell is that stuck on the middle of his face? Is that a booger?”

Yeah bitches, you could freakin’ tell a man, you know?

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This Past Weekend

I had a birthday awhile back. Yeah, I had meant to post this, but somehow it got stuck in Draft Limbo. So anyway, the Wife decorated the living room and kitchen with ribbons stretched from every corner and when I came in the door she screamed HAPPY BIRTHDAY and started giggling because she had JUST finished hanging them. We didn't do a lot besides that. We sat around and were total bums. It rained all day Saturday. We went out to eat Saturday night. We wore our sleep clothes on Sunday until about 3 in the afternoon when I couldn't stand it any longer and had to go outside into the sunlight. I worked on the cars a little. I walked the neighborhood, looking at the teenagers engaged in the traditional 'well-dressed girls strolling for boys while boys are out in the yard' dance and wishing I was their age again. A beautiful girl smiled at me. I felt warm for about a minute until I remembered that I'm way older than she is. Then I felt empty. I accomplished absolutely nothing.

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