As You May Have Noticed

As you may have noticed, my blog has been hacked. I have tried to contact Blogger.com about the problem, but they do not respond. If this hacking continues I will have no choice except to shut down this blog and go elsewhere.

If you know an address I can use to contact Blogger.com that they actually respond to, or a phone number, or someone I can punch in the face, please let me know.


Kat Parker - she's cool
I've been out of town the last few days. I went to Atlanta to visit CNN. I was planning to talk to my favorite new TV reporter and syndicated columnist, Kathleen Parker, because Kathleen long ago encouraged me to become a writer and I always appreciated that. In case you couldn't tell, I never got much encouragement in my life, especially not from my parents, so when a great writer like Kathleen Parker encouraged me to write I was extremely flattered. She has her own show now on CNN, Parker Spitzer, and I want all you guys to watch it. Yes, I realize I'm encouraging you to watch something on CNN despite not liking much of anything about CNN, but in this case I'm making an exception. Kathleen is worth it.


Anyway, it turns out that Kathleen isn't based out of Atlanta. She's in New York and sometimes D.C., so I didn't get to see her. Instead, Nancy Grace was there doing her news thing on live TV. Nancy is a bit of a male-basher. If you've read my blog for any length of time then you know how I feel about male-bashers. I wanted to slap her in the face. Actually, come to think of it, a woman I was with actually brought the whole idea up when she said, "My husband hates her. He'd like to slap her across the face."

So there I was. And there Nancy Grace was. And I had a powerful urge to do some slapping. But she was on TV and the cameras were rolling and it was all being broadcast live. And it occurred to me that if I ran onto the set and wacked her on live TV that might make it hard to mount a defense in court later seeing as the entire country, the entire world even, would see me do it. Also, there were guards with weapons around and I think they could sense what I was thinking about doing because they moved closer to me. So anyway, I didn't slap Nancy Grace.



Jane Velez Mitchell wasn't there at the time, either, or my urge to slap might've overpowered my awareness that I would surely be caught and arrested. I went right past her desk and had to suppress the urge to drop my pants and pee in her chair.

I spent several hours hanging around CNN. It was raining outside and there were tornadoes all around. Some homeless woman had slipped inside and was hitting me up for cigarettes while moaning about how she had hurt her ankle. Glamorous it was not. But what a huge building it was! And I know this because I went literally everywhere in that place. And it took all night.



As long as I'm blogging this, I might as well tell you, I'm trying to upload images of the CNN building and I can't. Do you know why I can't? Neither do I. I have to say, over the past year or more I have become more than a little sick and tired of having my fucking time wasted by piece of shit computers and the fucking internet and how damn long it takes to do any little fucking thing involving a computer and the internet just in general. I don't even like to check my email anymore, let alone blog, because of how fucking much time it takes. I actually dread trying to put together a new blog post these days, especially since I let Blogger sucker me into adopting the new editor they were pushing. I had hoped the new editor would make things easier and faster, but no, as usual the latest change to the existing technology is a giant fucking step back, making it harder and taking more of my valuable time to do what I used to be able to do in half the time.

I have grown to HATE computers. In fact, since I obtained a feature-laden cell phone and an iPod, my life has become a nightmare of technological problems. I can't make a call half the time because my fucking phone is frozen up and nobody seems to know why. Oh, it takes photos and videos and lets me listen to music and surf the net, that is, when its working. But half the time it isn't working. Half the time it's making me curse and scream and want to throw it out the fucking window. And don't even get me started on the trouble I've had with the latest and 'greatest' Apple software for the iPod. I had no trouble loading all sorts of music onto an iPod I bought for the Mrs years ago, but now that I have my own and had to download the latest software for it, nothing is easy. It's a huge pain in my ass and I have absolutely no patience for it anymore. I have given more than enough of my life to machines only to have them waste most of that time for me. And I am sick and damn tired of it.


Computer generated weather report

So, just to sum up, my blog has been hacked by fucking asshats from China or some such place. I did not get to talk with uber-cool Kathleen Parker. I did not punch Nancy Grace in the face, although I could have. I did not punch Jane Velez Mitchell in the face, if only because she wasn't there at the time. I have grown to hate slow computers just in general. I hate my cell phone because it is a piece of shit. And I haven't got even one song on my iPod because the version of the software that Apple keeps telling me to download is a fucking nightmare and I am just not that interested in the latest technology or the latest version of something that used to be simple to use but isn't anymore. If it isn't simple and it doesn't work intuitively then I have better things to do with my time.

And so do you. Why do we put up with this shit? I remember when I had to sit and wait for the damn modem to actually dial and connect. And then every blog was so slow to load. These days that's not the problem. The problem is that it won't load at all. Instead I get some stupid error, but without any specific error message. Or else I can't comment and have no idea why. Or it wants me to log in over and over again for no fucking reason. Or the browser crashes right in the middle of what I'm doing. Or the computer can't get online at all because the phone company is fucked up. Or the computer has a virus. Or the computer has been hacked. Or the computer is just a piece of shit in general. Or Windows is fucking with me and pissing me off. It's always something.

And meanwhile, I have a stack of good books sitting on the table next to me just waiting for me to give them some of my time. Every single day I find myself increasingly willing to just leave the computer powered off and pick up one of those books.

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Blogger is an Illiterate Fag

Am I the only one who opens up old posts that I have sitting in draft, some that have been floating around there for months, only to find that the infamous Blogger has reformatted everything, adding carriage returns and larger fonts and all sorts of other creative redecorating touches?

I fucking HATE that shit!


OK, so the only reason I titled this post like I did is because of all the fanatical fainting and hissy fits being thrown over Jerry Lewis making the most harmless of cracks while sacrificing enormous amounts of his own time and money for a worthy cause. If Jerry Lewis can't say "illiterate fag" while joking with friends about a fictional person then clearly the Church of the PC Vagina and Blessed Hairy Bunghole has way too much power and needs to be burned to the ground immediately.

And by the way, if the word 'fag' is an anti-gay slur then all the gay people must stop using it immediately before demanding that everyone else stop.

And then we need to all get together and decide once and for all, are we all supposed to be tolerant, in which case we can say "fag" and "bitch" or even the dreaded N-word if we really want to, or are we supposed to be totally intolerant, as is clearly the case here with the vicious religious attacks on Mr. Lewis? And as was the case with Isaiah Washington, who violently assaulted Patrick Dempsey but wasn't criticized at all for choking a straight white male and instead lost his job for saying 'gay' in a non-celebratory sort of way? And as was even the case with Mr. Don Imus, who didn't even say "fag" or "bitch" but merely "nappy headed hos", which was in fact not a racial statement and was used in reference to all the girls on the Rutgers team?

So which is it? Tolerance or fanatical intolerance, also known as "zero tolerance"? We need someone to make up their fucking minds once and for all, or else I'm going to do it and fuck you all if you disagree with my final decision.

That's all I have to say about that bullshit.

So, today while getting gas out here in The Boondocks, my lovely Nissan didn't want to start. There's nothing specificially wrong with it. Oh no, it's just a Nissan quirk, as the internet has informed me, that they never seem to have figured out or fixed, and goes with having a manual transmission.

So I'm getting gas and an old hotrodded Chevy truck rumbled up to the pump on the other side of mine and stops. A black guy gets out and shuffles in an odd sort of way over to the lady behind the glass, where he and pays for the gas he's about to pump. Then he shuffles back to his truck.

"He walks like he's retarded or something," I thought to myself. "I should blog about this moron and his goofy walk."

So anyway, I finished getting gas and got back into my truck. I turned the key, but my engine wouldn't turn over. It acted like it had a dead battery or a bad starter, which it doesn't. So I started to push it down the slope in front of me in order to push-start it. The parking lot in front of me appeared to have a long enough slope that I could probably start it this way without much trouble.

"You need some help," I heard the man with the funny walk ask, as I was sitting in my truck, pushing it with one foot out the door and working the clutch with the other.

I couldn't see where the man was exactly and I was already rolling, so I didn't respond to him. Then I saw him in my rearview mirror, already at the back of my truck and pushing it.

He didn't even wait for me to answer as to whether I needed help or not. He just went into action.

"VROOM" my truck started with a pathetic 4-cylinder roar.

I looked back and the man had already turned to walk back to his own truck. I flipped open my rear window and stuck my hand out, just as he turned around.

"Thanks man!" I shouted at him, and waved. He smiled and waved back. Then he went back to pumping his gas.

I tell you, it's going to take some time for me to get used to life out here in The Boondocks. People are nice here. Nice is easier to adjust to than the alternative. I know Memphis is going to creep out this way and wreck it all some day soon, but I hope that day holds off for as long as possible. This is like something out of a book, a story about the long forgotten past, when America was a different place completely. I guess it was a time before I was even born, a time before the perpetual bullshit protests and all the chaos and destruction that came from that whole scene.

I was all set to make fun of the guy. But he turned out to be more decent than just about anyone I've met in all the years I've been stuck here living on the outskirts of Memphis hell. Apparently I just needed to move further away. God apparently lives in the woods, not the city. Who knew?

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