Dear Facebook support:
A girl in Sydney, Australia, named Kylie, challenged me to find her on Facebook. She said if I could find her then she'd add me as a friend. This is where the trouble started. No matter how I try to search for friends, including Kylie, your search engine filters everything I do based on my account information rather than simply searching based on the information I provide. Thus I get all the Kylies in Memphis, Tennessee, but nothing for Australia. When I ask someone else to do the very same search, they see everyone who matches the criteria without filters. How do I delete any and all filters from my searchers? I'm trying to find Kylie in Australia, but your search engine keeps filtering and telling me there is NO ONE named 'Kylie' in all of Australia.
Sincerely,
Memphis
From: "Facebook Support"
To: nudememphis@yahoo.com
Hi,
Fake names are a violation of our Terms of Use. Facebook requires users to provide their full first and last names (i.e. no initials). Nicknames can be used in the form of FirstName 'NickName' LastName, but only if they are a variation on your real first or last name, such as 'Bob' instead of 'Robert'. Additionally, please note that impersonating anyone or anything is prohibited.
If you would like to use this profile again, just get back to us with your real name, and we will reactivate the account for you.
Thanks for your understanding,
Cassidy
User Operations
From: "Memphis"
To: "Facebook Support"
Seriously? I come to you with a problem and your response is to not solve the problem and then to shut down my account? This is customer service to you?!
My real name is Steve Jones, but all my friends on this account will only know me as Memphis, Memphis Steve, or Blue Memphis. Even Kylie, who as it turns out, was only kidding and has no intention of actually adding me to her list of friends, knows me as Memphis Steve, which is why it only makes sense for that to be my name here. My name is what people know me as. If I set up an account as Rumplestiltskin and no one knows me by that name, it isn't very useful to me, now is it? Anyway, my name is Steve Jones.
yours truly,
Steve "Memphis" Jones
From: Facebook Support
To: nudememphis@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, July 31, 2008, 1:31 PM
Hi,
Creating more than one Facebook account is a violation of our Terms of Use.
Once your account has been disabled, you are no longer allowed to access the
site. This includes registering a second account with this or any other email
address.
If you reply with your full, real name, we will make the necessary changes and
reactivate your account. We will also address your original inquiry when we
have received this information. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Thanks for your understanding,
Cassidy
User Operations
From: "Memphis"
To: "Facebook Support"
Dear sweet Cassidy,
If you read my email, or scroll down in this one, you will see that I ALREADY DID include my full real name. Steve Jones is my real name. I can't make this shit up. Blame my parents for my uber generic name. It's the reason why people know me as 'Memphis Steve', because 'Steve Jones', the real name I gave you previously, is as common as 'John Smith' or 'Ho Chi Min Kim' or 'Anupe Patel'. Steve Jones, that's my name. Ask me again and I'll tell you the same. I once had a college professor named "Phat Ho" from Thailand or some such place. Now there's an unfortunate name. I'll bet you'd flag that sucker as fake in a heartbeat and lock his account, too, wouldn't you? And it's his real damn name, the poor bastard. Did I mention that I'm a genius? I am a skilled technological motherfucker. In fact, I noticed from your IP address that you aren't working from a corporate office. You seem to be at your home in Ohio? Wow, I'll bet I can find your address and phone number if I really try. I'm damn good at what I do. Not modest, but damn good.
I wonder if Kylie did all this to me for a laugh? You know, she's a sweetie deep down, but I don't think I tweak her interest all that much. Still, you should see her in her naughty nurse outfit. Wow!
So, not to seem pushy or rude, but how long until you think my account will be open again?
Hugs and kisses,
Memphis Steve Jones
From: "Facebook Support"
To: nudememphis@yahoo.com
Hi Steve,
Your name has been changed, and we have reactivated your account. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We are aware of the problem with Search that you described and hope to resolve it as soon as possible. Sorry for any inconvenience. Let me know if you have any further questions.
Thanks for contacting Facebook,
Cassidy
User Operations
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