Here's a tip for Miss Allaboutme and all her rhino sisters here in the hallway. If you try really hard you can actually manage to walk down the hallway without taking up the entire thing. It's true, I swear. If you put your big, fat, buffalo arms down closer to your sides instead of reaching them out as far as they'll go and trying to touch the walls on either side of you then you could take up only one third as much space as your fat floppy ass currently does.
Also, are you trying to hurt people with that K-mart purse you swing around like a weapon? If you ever hit me like you nearly did the other day I can tell you what's going to happen to both you and that purse. Do you see those windows on either side of your big, fat ass? See how far down it is? See the Brinks truck pulling away from the vault? See all that concrete down there? Do you think you can fly, bitch? If that purse ever hits me where you nearly did we're gonna find out if pigs can fly 'cause I'm gonna assist you in exiting through the glass and out into the open air.
What is it with buffalo that they absolutely have to take up the maximum amount of space no matter where they are? I've noticed that when you walk with your friends the 3 of you all walk side-by-side, flappy arms outstretched and feet wide apart as if you were all trying to take a shit while walking, and somehow you all manage not to knock each other senseless with those cheap, gaudy purses you swing. But let anyone else come along and you're all just like the Black Knight, swinging a morningstar around, ball and chain flying in search of an opening to hurt someone. Maybe I should call security to come arrest you for carrying a weapon? I'm almost positive you've got a gun in that purse. Why don't we let someone from the Secret Service take a look inside and see? How would that be? Maybe then you'd learn to walk with your arms behind your back and your feet close together, as if held together by ankle cuffs? I'll bet you would.
Here's another question that has been eating at me for awhile. How come the white women that are just as big as you don't walk like that? How come I don't see them reaching out to whack every passerby that happens to be in the same hallway as them? They do swing their damned purses just like you, but since there's actually room to pass them without getting whacked it isn't quite as annoying.
And how the hell do you walk in those shoes?! You look like a cow walking on golf tees, I swear to God. I don't know what those straps are made of, but I'll bet it was discovered by NASA for something incredibly extreme. And holding your hooves into those shoes certainly does qualify as extreme, let me tell you.
Are you aware that your ass is showing from behind? I know that dress looked great on the mannequin in the store, but in case you were unaware no mannequins I've ever seen have an ass the size of a Lexus. You do, and it makes the back of the dress ride up so that we all get a great view of your asscrack. How come a big cow like you can't wear any underwear? Does it get lost in there or something? As if showing us your fat ass isn't enough, you have to show us your fat, bare ass. And honey, it's nasty.
I know you're proud of the new bras you found at Victoria's secret, but we really don't need to see that either. That plunging neckline really does nothing for you at all. And although I know you don't acknowledge this I'm going to tell you anyway, we aren't averting our eyes out of modesty. We're averting our eyes because you are just flat nasty. Some things people don't want to see. Button up and cover those sacks, bitch. They gave up the ghost to gravity and decay way back when you were just a high school girl and only had your first 4 childrens.
What is wrong with women like this? Are they really so completely unaware of themselves? Did years of crack and heroin just cook their brains until there was nothing left except the part that talks on cellphones and picks out gaudy clothes? Is this what people mean by ghetto sheik? Is there such a thing? Good God.
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