I remember my middle sister hanging Mike Polites by his underwear on the gas cap of the old Ford F100 pickup because he was acting like an ass and refused to go home when she told him to.
I remember he was really pissed off as he hung there kicking and screaming.
I remember making him laugh while we were walking the 3 blocks to his house. He said, "Stop, I have to pee. I'm going to wet my pants." This was a mistake, as I took it as a major challenge and really poured it on. I told every joke I could think of until he laid down in the street, with his face red from laughing, and peed a yellow river all over himself and the asphalt. His mom didn't think it was as funny as I did.
I remember sitting on the front porch with David Kohl and noticing that my neighbor's sisters were up in their bedroom with some of their friends and they were all trying on clothes. They had left the curtains open and we both got an eyeful. We were all in high school at the time.
I remember the only time in my entire life that I ever threw rocks at cars. My older brother and his friends started it and I wanted to join in. I was too little to be able to see out of the pipe we were throwing from, so I just threw blind. I hit dead on target with my very first and only throw. And they stopped. It was a deputy sherriff I had hit. His truck was even marked, which did me no good since I couldn't see. It was one hell of a throw though. My dad was real impressed when the deputy brought me and my brother home and told him about it.
I remember sitting in those same pipes, before the city finished widening that road, and learning every single cussword I know to this day from my older brother. I was about 5 or 6 years old at the time. My mom was thrilled that I had such a fabulous vocabulary at such an early age.
I remember learning to smoke in those pipes, too. Having an older brother can really give a boy an advantage in life!
I remember my brother and his friend getting me and my best friend's sister, Wendy, to play Truth or Dare. They dared me to kiss her so I did. Wendy was pretty. I think they dared me to do it because they wanted to kiss her, but they couldn't come up with an excuse. Who can say?
I remember riding my spyderbike down the motorcycle trails and jumping it way up in the air over the jumps. It felt like I could fly!
I remember my handlebars breaking off in mid-jump one time and thinking I was going to be impaled on the jagged metal where the handlebars use to be.
I remember dragging my broken bike several miles home, cussing and bitching the whole way, as I finally had a valid use for all those words my brother had taught me.
I remember when I was really little peeing in the trash can because Mom was taking a bath and my big brother said it would be OK, they'd understand that I'd had to go real bad.
I remember trying to smother myself under my covers when I was about 6 years old because my parents didn't love me. It didn't work though. But I did manage to inhale a lot of lint.
I remember in elementary school Tommy Garrett being the guy all the girls liked and him having the boots I wanted and him being the football star and him being the only person on my basketball team who could tackle me when we played Smear-the-Queer over at his house. And I was the only person who could tackle him. We thought we were going to be professional athletes when we grew up.
I remember being mistaken for Tommy at my high school reunion. Apparently I hadn't changed a bit. If I had actually been Tommy.
I remember getting salmonella poisoning the summer between 5th and 6th grade and puking my guts out for over a week. My dad got it twice in a row. Apparently Mom, ever the jokester, didn't throw the bad meat out. She served it to him again and Dad got super sick one more time. I don't eat my mom's cooking much anymore. I just prefer to eat out.
I remember how my neighbor's mom always hated me. She wasn't shy about letting me know, but my own home was so much less pleasant that I'd always go back over there every single day, even if there was nothing to do and I was just sitting there watching TV with my best friend.
I remember chasing the train and catching it. There was some old man in the caboose and he was peeking out the back door to see what I was doing. I slapped the bottom step of the stairs and was satisfied, so I quit chasing it. Not many people can say they caught a speeding train. I guess it didn't take much to impress me back then.
I remember taking a girl I was crazy about to my senior prom. She arranged for this other guy she liked to come to our after-prom celebration. First she tried to get me really drunk. Then she made an excuse for me to drive to the store for something and when I got back this other guy was there. And while I was gone somehow she had accidently gotten us thrown out of the motel, so we just had to go to this guy's house where he lived with 2 other guys. I remember her going off to his room and fighting with him while I peed in his floor and all over his house.
What sorts of things do you remember at 3 a.m.?
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