It's the last Fuck You Friday of 2006!
Christmas has passed and New Year's Day is nearly here:
It’s rarely a surprise to see the words “UN” and “fail” in the same sentence.
Search continues for man missing in Ore
He’s not missing. He’s in
NYC health board votes to ban trans fats
And this right after changing the law to make it easier for anyone to declare themselves a transsexual. Apparently NYC is very particular about which trannies it prefers. Transexual = good. Transfat = bad. It all sounds very discriminatory and bigoted to me. You can't judge! Keep your laws off my sandwich! I'm pro-choice and I choose beef! We're here, we're deep-fried, get used to it!
Chavez salutes vote rival for averting bloodbath
A bloodbath that Chavez himself would have brought on had anyone tried to pry him out of power, regardless of how the people actually voted.
Man accused of faking retardation
It was a good racket while it lasted. But after 3 terms as Mayor of New Orleans people began to get suspicious.
Neighbor testifies in 'caged kids' trial
Much like the divorce and child-support rackets, there is good money to be made in taking people’s kids and putting them into cages in foster homes.
MySpace to offer technology to block sex offenders
The scarlet letter ‘A’ now extends to the internet. Except that we don’t tattoo it on adulterers anymore. Hell, adultery and fornication is what MySpace is all about.
Britney Spears tops Yahoo's searches
Word is that someone snapped a photo of her cooter. Since then s/he’s been hotter than ever before. Or at least, her cooter has.
Yahoo partners with Reuters on eyewitness pictures
Reuters, not satisfied with Photoshopped photos from its’ own lying photographers, now wants to let us all in on the charade. Look, here’s me with President Kennedy riding in a limo!
Minnesota deemed healthiest state, Louisiana worst
Apparently the “chocolate city” ain’t such a good place to live. As for
Metrosexuals snap up cosmetics in China
How gay. Or rather, how pseudo-gay.
Officers keep record of beautiful women
I do that. It’s called ‘porn’ and it’s taking up half my harddrive.
Brooklyn sidewalk caves in, swallows woman
No more putting off that diet, bitch. Damn!
Polonium traces found at Arsenal stadium
This is how you know when the Russians were here. After their KGB agents leave, everything glows in the dark.
Study: Holidays can make women eat more
But not men, huh? You didn’t allow any men in your study, did you, bitch?! And fuck you very much for that.
Rapist preys on men in Houston area
Michael Jackson lives in Texas now?
Egg-toss prank turns deadly in Ohio
Dude, how hard did you throw that egg? I think you killed him!
Protective effect from alcohol seen in head injury
Australian Steph could’ve benefited from this study if they’d only done it sooner, the poor girl!
Thieves break into police station
Well sure, that’s where all the best shit is.
"Macaca" named most politically incorrect word
According to Oprah Winfrey the most politically incorrect word is “bitch”, but that crack ho is dumber than dirt.
Marijuana top U.S. cash crop, policy analyst says
That’s only because you can’t grow meth.
Woman tells cop she bought 'bad crack'
The “All About Me” crowd is so caught up in their own little worlds that they don’t even think twice before trying to get their dealers arrested for selling cheap Canadian drugs. Apparently they aren’t very good, eh.
Judge makes 23 spend Christmas in jail
Ho ho hos
Battered wo/men to get "panic rooms
Now that the female supremacists have their own womyn-only branch in the government they are trying to find new and more creative ways to spend other people’s money and thus justify demanding another annual increase in their already enormous misandric-military budgets. Hating males is big business and pays very well. Then again, so did the slave trade. Next year battered wo/men are all getting their own private Hoverounds.
Overweight man sues Air France over seat row
"Votre âne est trop grand." Apparently they told him his fat ass would have to pay for 2 seats because it required 2 in order to fit on their plane. He believes he has the right not to be told he’s fat. Even though he is. The only surprising thing about this is that this self-righteous bitch isn’t an American. He’s French.
Woman tells jury she was posing 'like Charlie's Angels' right before she shot her sister to death
None of the Charlie’s Angels hotties ever shot their sister to death, honey. That's why Cheryl Ladd was able to replace Farrah Fawcett, aka Jill, as hot little sister Chris. Next lesson: how not to shoot yourself while pulling the gun out of your pants.
Most Americans have had premarital sex
Some of us just didn’t have as much of it as we’d have liked. Why is this news? Are they peeking at Santa’s naughty list or something?
Murders are up in New York, other cities
It’s a new phenomenon they’re calling “Elmo Rage.” Several thousand people have been killed in what police are calling “Elmo related attacks” when stores run out of their Elmo stock.
Russia won't transfer space technology
They say they won’t give their space technology to
Woman fakes kidnapping to avoid work
That’s when you know that you really, really hate your job.
Woman crushed by leaping dolphin
Flipper has grown into a real mean bastard in his old age.
Court can't force gay marriage vote
The court has suddenly declared that it cannot, in fact, force legislators to vote or pass specific laws supporting traditional marriage, in a complete reversal of its' ruling forcing and requiring legislators to vote in a law creating gay marriage. Isn't it funny how that worked out?
Top Wall Street jobs still elude wo/men, minorities
And this is considered news because 99 percent of all news editor jobs are currently filled by wo/men. And where is the story about that, you cranky old sexist bi/tches?!
Herpes treatment fails in animal testing
Lab workers are having a hell of a time explaining how all their animals got herpes.
Duke D.A. charged with ethics violations
Apparently even a couple of heterosexual white males have a few rights left. Who knew?
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