Speeding


A Kentucky senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-65, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the state trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Fifteen years ago, my wife ran off with a Kentucky State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
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Hackers Crack Electronic Voting Machines Used in California

Published on Saturday, July 28, 2007.

Source: San Fransico


State-sanctioned teams of computer hackers were able to break through the security of virtually every model of California's voting machines and change results or take control of some of the systems' electronic functions, according to a University of California study released Friday.

The researchers "were able to bypass physical and software security in every machine they tested,'' said Secretary of State Debra Bowen, who authorized the "top to bottom review" of every voting system certified by the state.

Neither Bowen nor the investigators were willing to say exactly how vulnerable California elections are to computer hackers, especially because the team of computer experts from the UC system had top-of-the-line security information plus more time and better access to the voting machines than would-be vote thieves likely would have.

"All information available to the secretary of state was made available to the testers,'' including operating manuals, software and source codes usually kept secret by the voting machine companies, said Matt Bishop, UC Davis computer science professor who led the "red team" hacking effort, said in his summary of the results.

The review included voting equipment from every company approved for use in the state, including Sequoia, whose systems are used in Alameda, Napa and Santa Clara counties; Hart InterCivic, used in San Mateo and Sonoma Counties; and Diebold, used in Marin County.

Election Systems and Software, which supplied equipment to San Francisco, Contra Costa, Solano and Los Angeles counties in last November's election, missed the deadline for submitting the equipment, Bowen said. While their equipment will be reviewed, Bowen warned that she has "the legal authority to impose any condition'' on its use.

Bowen said in a telephone news conference Friday that the report is only one piece of information she will use to decide which voting systems are secure enough to use in next February's presidential primary election.

If she is going to decertify any of the machines, she must do it by Friday, six months before the Feb. 5 vote.

A day-long hearing in Sacramento on Monday will give the UC investigators a chance to present their finding and allow the various voting machine companies to present a response. The hearing also will be open for comments from the public.

The study was designed to discover vulnerabilities in the technology of voting systems used in the state. It did not deal with any physical security measures that counties might take and "made no assumptions about constraints on the attackers,'' Bishop said.

"The testers did not evaluate the likelihood of any attack being feasible,'' he added.

Some county elections officials in the state were among the most critical of the study, saying they worry that they could be forced to junk millions of dollars in voting machines if Bowen decertifies them for the February election.

Letting the hackers have the source codes, operating manuals and unlimited access to the voting machines "is like giving a burglar the keys to your house,'' said Steve Weir, clerk-recorder of Contra Costa County and head of the state Association of Clerks and Election Officials.

During her election campaign last year, Bowen made it clear she had little confidence in the security of electronic voting machines and vowed to review their use in the state.

"Voting systems are tools of our democracy,'' she said Friday. "We want to ensure that the voting systems used in the state are secure, accurate, reliable and accessible to all. This (study result) is not a big deal to me. It's a big deal for everyone in the country.''

Vendors and other advocates of electronic voting machines have suggested that because of Bowen's well-publicized concerns, she has her thumb on the scale when it comes to reviewing the systems. But the secretary of state said she purposely avoided the scientists doing the study.

Bowen admitted that she's "enough of a geek" that she would have enjoyed working closely with the study, but "I've stayed out of the way ... It's not my review,'' she said. "I didn't want (the researchers) to be influenced by my questions.''

Weir said the UC study "is only a hologram of what could be done technically without considering the real-world mitigation,'' the locks, access cards and other physical security measures typically used.

The study found "absolutely no evidence of any malicious source code anywhere,'' he added. "They found nothing that could cast doubt on the results of elections.''

Bishop, however, said he was surprised by the weakness of the security measures, both physical and electronic, protecting the voting systems. His team of hackers found ways to get into the systems not only through the high-tech equipment in election headquarters but also through the machines in the polling places.

If the testers had had more time, they would have found more flaws, he added.

"The vendors appeared to have designed systems that were not high assurance (of security)," said Bishop, a recognized expert on computer security. "The security seems like it was added on.''
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Monday

tired


I was going to just pull a joke out of Draft and put it out here. I'm barely concious and hardly functioning. Pardon all the misspellings coming your way. I may see them and be too tired to back up and fix them.

I feel like a fucking old man.

I woke up at 2 a.m. and peed. I don't know why I woke up, but I always do.

I woke up again at 4. No reason. I got up and peed since I was up anyway.

Fucking cat woke me up at 5. She was sitting in the middle of the living room meowing at the top of her lungs for NO FUCKING REASON.

I resisted the urge to punt her across the room and just yelled at her. But now I was up and that was that. I went back to bed, but it did no good. I was done. My mind was on and it wasn't going back off again.

Even though I know it was a mistake, because she'll think I rewarded her for waking me up, I let the fucking cat out. Then I tried to go back to sleep again, hoping that the abscence of her annoying ass in the house would help. It didn't. I hot up at 5:30 and started reading.

I really didn't feel like reading. I have a lot on my mind and not much of it is very pleasant. But since it wasn't getting me anywhere to worry over it when I should be sleeping, and since I couldn't do a damned thing about any of it at 5 fucking A.M. I just decided to force it out of my mind while I read a book.

So, now I'm at work. I need to poop, but I'm too tired to get up and go do it. I went searching through my draft files for something to post and I see that Blogger has added spaces and carriage returns and shit to several posts that needed no spaces and carriage returns added. Lovely. I hate when they do that fucking shit to my posts.

I was going to say something, but I feel like I'm about to fall into my keyboard. I forgot what it was.

Saturday My Wife pulled down 2 butterfuly bushes from out front of the house. It doesn't look good and since we're about to sell they had to go. She wants to keep them though, so she had me throw them into the back of my truck to take to the new house. But when it came time to go to the new house and plant them, she didn't feel like it. OK, so tomorrow then?

Tomorrow came and she didn't feel like it then, either. So there they sit, drying up like pressed clovers in a Bible, only in the back of my truck, where the sun is cooking them. And these aren't small bushes either. They're huge. I'm driving around with giant dead bushes in my truck and all because I was trying to help My Wife.

My Wife is annoying the shit out of me. Trying to help her is like trying to work with an angry badger. You can't help her because she wants control of everything. And she can't communicate worth a shit, so even if she tries to tell you what she wants she says it wrong and then gets mad at you when you don't understand what the fuck she meant to say and instead listened to what she actually said. Every plant she pulls up with intent to move ends up dead. Every plant she puts in a pot ends up dead. She intends to do this and intends to do that, and a year later she's still insisting she's going to do it, long after it's dead and gone or whatever.

I'm really tired. I have absolutely no direction that I intend to go with this post. I am in total chaos right now. My brain just won't focus because it hasn't had any fucking sleep. I haven't been to the gym in over 3 weeks now because of all the moving of crap and working on the houses. I look like crap. And it isn't as if I wasn't already looking like crap before I missed 3 weeks' worth of workouts, either. If crap could wear a polo shirt, Dockers and some expensive shoes this is what it'd look like.

Did I mention that I'm tired?

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Dude!

andrea stoned


Marijuana may increase psychosis risk


By MARIA CHENG, AP Medical Writer
Thu Jul 26, 7:25 PM ET


LONDON - Using marijuana seems to increase the chance of becoming psychotic, researchers report in an analysis of past research that reignites the issue of whether pot is dangerous.

really stoned

The new review suggests that even infrequent use could raise the small but real risk of this serious mental illness by 40 percent.

Doctors have long suspected a connection and say the latest findings underline the need to highlight marijuana's long-term risks. The research, paid for by the British Health Department, is being published Friday in medical journal The Lancet.

bill and ted

"The available evidence now suggests that cannabis is not as harmless as many people think," said Dr. Stanley Zammit, one of the study's authors and a lecturer in the department of psychological medicine at Cardiff University.

ted logan

The researchers said they couldn't prove that marijuana use itself increases the risk of psychosis, a category of several disorders with schizophrenia being the most commonly known.

ted

There could be something else about marijuana users, "like their tendency to use other drugs or certain personality traits, that could be causing the psychoses," Zammit said.

paris hilton and nicole richie

Marijuana is the most frequently used illegal substance in many countries, including the United Kingdom and the United States. About 20 percent of young adults report using it at least once a week, according to government statistics.

i did not inhale

Zammit and colleagues from the University of Bristol, Imperial College and Cambridge University examined 35 studies that tracked tens of thousands of people for periods ranging from one year to 27 years to examine the effect of marijuana on mental health.

dude wheres my car

They looked for psychotic illnesses as well as cognitive disorders including delusions and hallucinations, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, neuroses and suicidal tendencies.

They found that people who used marijuana had roughly a 40 percent higher chance of developing a psychotic disorder later in life. The overall risk remains very low.

george michael

For example, Zammit said the risk of developing schizophrenia for most people is less than 1 percent. The prevalence of schizophrenia is believed to be about five in 1,000 people. But because of the drug's wide popularity, the researchers estimate that about 800 new cases of psychosis could be prevented by reducing marijuana use.

The scientists found a more disturbing outlook for "heavy users" of pot, those who used it daily or weekly: Their risk for psychosis jumped to a range of 50 percent to 200 percent.

spicoli

One doctor noted that people with a history of mental illness in their families could be at higher risk. For them, marijuana use "could unmask the underlying schizophrenia," said Dr. Deepak Cyril D'Souza, an associate professor of psychiatry at Yale University, who was not involved in the study.

Dr. Wilson Compton, a senior scientist at the National Institute on Drug Abuse in Washington, called the study persuasive.

"The strongest case is that there are consistencies across all of the studies," and that the link was seen only with psychoses — not anxiety, depression or other mental health problems, he said.

Scientists cannot rule out that pre-existing conditions could have led to both marijuana use and later psychoses, he added.

britney bash

Scientists think it is biologically possible that marijuana could cause psychoses because it interrupts important neurotransmitters such as dopamine. That can interfere with the brain's communication systems.

Lindsay and Paris

Some experts say governments should now work to dispel the misconception that marijuana is a benign drug.

Walt Disney's Lindsay Lohan

"We've reached the end of the road with these kinds of studies," said Dr. Robin Murray of King's College, who had no role in the Lancet study. "Experts are now agreed on the connection between cannabis and psychoses. What we need now is for 14-year-olds to know it."

gores

In the U.K., the government will soon reconsider how marijuana should be classified in its hierarchy of drugs. In 2004, it was downgraded and penalties for possession were reduced. Many expect marijuana will be bumped up to a class "B" category, with offenses likely to lead to arrests or longer jail sentences.

pete doherty

Two of the authors of the study were invited experts on the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs Cannabis Review in 2005. Several authors reported being paid to attend drug company-sponsored meetings related to marijuana, and one received consulting fees from companies that make antipsychotic medications.

___

Medical Writer Marilynn Marchione in Milwaukee, Wis., contributed to this report.
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Love Those Crazy German Girls

Nude blonde, gold stilettos and a Ferrari


Tue Jul 24, 5:36 AM ET


BERLIN (Reuters) - A mysterious blonde paid a visit to a petrol station shop in the small eastern German town of Doemitz on Sunday -- wearing nothing but a pair of golden stilettos and a thin gold bracelet.

The tall, slender woman strolled into the shop in the town of Doemitz on the warm afternoon and bought cigarettes, petrol station employee Ines Swoboda told Reuters on Monday.

"I wasn't surprised because she's come in naked before -- she's a very nice woman," Swoboda said, adding none of the other customers were bothered. The woman could have faced charges of creating a public disturbance if anyone had complained.

A quick-witted customer did, however, snap pictures of the woman believed to be about 30 years old as she walked back to a waiting Ferrari and climbed into the passenger seat. Several of those photos appeared in the German media on Monday.


blonde german girl 001



blonde german girl 002
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Thursday Things To Think About

It's Thursday. I've been contemplating some of the 'wisdom' gleaned from TV and movies and reached a conclusion. They're full of shit. So here are some of my thoughts, for whatever they're worth.




We are all equally capable of both good and evil, despite what the politicians and political activists claim.

There is no ‘magic negro’, nor were the American Indians inherently more noble or pure than the Pilgrims or Cowboys.

Homosexuals are not more moral or wise than heterosexuals, but they are on average much wealthier.

It is highly unlikely that the prostitute on the corner is secretly harboring a heart of gold and an eternally optimistic attitude about life.

If you learn great wisdom from a homeless addict then you were likely a great fool to begin with.

It is unlikely that God is a black man with a goatee. If he were he’d probably have appeared that way when Moses saw him, but since he didn’t it’s pretty likely that it’s just the drug addicts of Hollywood trying to fuck with the white Christians in the audience, as usual.

Feminists used to like to bleat on and on about the “male ego.” But since their own egos have become so massively inflated over the past 30 years, they’ve stopped talking about it. Funny how that worked out.

The older I get the more TV sucks.

The older I get the more obvious everything becomes.

The older I get the more attractive women become, as I find that there are no hard and fast rules as to what makes a woman beautiful, other than what is in her heart.

There’s really nothing Christian or godly about driving too slow in the passing lane. It’s just a way of pissing everyone off and forcing them to pass on the right.

When feminism became the official state religion, all depictions of angels suddenly became female. In the Bible they are male. Apparently no one remembers.

Bumperstickers are for people who don’t know how to blog.

If there’s one sure way to get your workout in at a crowded gym, it’s to do squats. Very few people really want to work that hard. The squat rack is usually available.

Having to minor in math in college and subsequently study mathematical probability, I learned a very important fact: all gambling was designed to ensure that The House wins most of the time, even when the game isn’t rigged. The free alcohol is simply to help you forget that.

Having worked in a bank for 3 years, I saw the consequences of variable interest loans, both for the loan holder and for the bank when they have to foreclose in a declining housing market. Nobody wins.

I think there is a lot to be learned from observing how convinced of their own great wisdom a person becomes as they get stoned.

A nation with no concept of God is a nation without answers. But a nation that knows God and rejects Him is a nation without hope or future.


space fart


Quotes:

“Here is the prime condition for success: Concentrate your energy, thought and capital exclusively upon the business in which you are engaged.”
- Andrew Carnegie, really, really rich man

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.”
- David Brinkley, journalist and avid brick thrower

“There is no time for cut-and-dried monotony. There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time.”
- Coco Chanel, fashion icon and chain smoker

“If there is anything that a man can do well, I say let him do it. Give him a chance.”
- Lincoln, 16th president and skilled politician, responsible for killing nearly half the population of the United States in only 3 years

“The man who will use his skill and constructive imagination to see how much he can give for a dollar, instead of how little he can give for a dollar, is bound to succeed.”
- Henry Ford, businessman who would be really pissed if he knew what his company is up to these days
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Trash

trash


Some dumbass loaded a bag of trash into the back of a pickup truck (that's a "ute" to all you Australians) and drove off down the highway, completely forgetting about it, instead of putting the bag of trash into the cab of the truck where it wouldn't blow away.

You can guess what happened. The truck pulled out onto the highway and got up to about 55 mph before the whole thing started blowing around like it was in a tornado, emptying Kleenex and toilet paper and crap out of the bag and blowing them out all over the road.

What a jackass!




I'm so embarrassed.
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I Wasn't Calling the Cops

There was another get-together at Rooster's last night. I was busy with the plumber having some work done in the master bathroom while the whole neighborhood was all over there having fun.

At 11:30 the plumber had left and we were going to bed. I went to the kitchen to throw my dirty clothes in the laundry. While I was in there I called my voicemail at work to leave myself a reminder, which is still flashing on my machine right now. I think they must have seen the glow of the phone through my window and thought I was calling the cops or something, because not 10 minutes later they were all clearing out in a hurry.

Hey, I wasn't calling the cops. Chill out.

Anyway, you guys asked for photos, so here are a few:

Nicole Richie mugLindsay Lohan mugMichelle Rodriguez mugNick Nolte mug

Seriously though, I think they freaked and thought I was calling The Man. So, that kinda sucks.

I heard that Lindsay Lohan was on The Tonight Show last night after getting out of jail. Disney sure has a win streak going with all these Diva's they've produced, haven't they? I mean, who would worry about the fine folks at Disney helping to raise your children when you look at what a fine bunch of ladies they've turned out in the form of Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears and such. All those people complaining about their movies being depraved are just whack!

I swear I had more to say than this, but now I've lost it somehow. My brain has no thumbs, so it keeps dropping shit.

There seems to be a small problem with the shower at our new house. It has a smell rising from the drain. We're starting to suspect that Mr. FixIt installed that shower himself and neglected to put in an P-trap. Yay! Methane from hell. So, looks like I'll be bringing a plumber out before we've even moved all the way in. Soooooo excited.

My truck seems to have developed on exhaust leak. You know how those hotrodded Hondas sound with their turbo mufflers? You know, that farty sound they make when they hit the gas? Yeah, my truck sounds like that, only it isn't supposed to. It isn't happy about it.

Meanwhile, My Wife's car suddenly smells like a garbage truck inside and we don't know why.

OK, we've just gotten this new house and painted and put in carpeting and all that and ALREADY there are 2 neighbors with For Sale signs in their yards. And they are both next to us. One is right next door and the other is directly across the street from him. WTF? I haven't even gone to the mailbox in my underwear or anything. What's the deal?!

I've got John Mayer's "Gravity" stuck in my head. And I need to poop. Somehow this seems to work for me. The two go together well. I don't know why. I'm not going that deep and analyzing it. It just seems right.

Gravity - is working against me - and gravity - wants to bring me down - PLOOP!

I was just reading an article about how nice guys get screwed over at work. I'm thinking, "why didn't you bitches call me for this article? I'm the person you need to be talking to." Mr. Nice Guy I am. And it doesn't pay. Just ask all those software guys over in India who are constantly stealing my job. They are nice guys, too, nicer than me. And they get paid one fourth as much as me for working horrific hours and having to live in India. I think I would require a pay RAISE to live in India. But maybe that's just me?

I tried to access my checking account at on the internet last night. It took 30 minutes to find the damned login screen because My Bank's website sucks SO BAD. And while I was struggling with this nightmare of poor planning I noticed something. They have a zillion photos on their page, supposedly representing customers, and not a single one of them was of a white male. So, wanting to cuss them out anyway for the shitty website, I clicked "Contact us." I wrote them a lovely note about my feelings concerning their complete lack of white male faces, which by the way, you'll also notice if you walk into any of their branches and look around at the flyers and pictures on the walls. But hey, this is America. White males are rare here. It's not discrimination or anything. Everyone knows that 95 percent of Americans are female and 50 percent are black. There are, of course, no Asians whatever and almost no white males left. Mmm hmm.

I've still got that song in my head. I'm tempted to either click it on my computer so I can hear it for real or click something else so I can get it to stop.

If polygamy does become legal in the United States, do you think that would enable me to marry a Canadian, an Australian, and several American women all at once? I'm just wondering. Damn, that's going to be a lot of diamond rings, isn't it? I better start saving my money. To hell with plumbers and methane gas. I've got jewelry to buy!

hugh and girls


And now, as you may have expected, I have to go poop.
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Blog Awards (I'm a shameless whore)

RFS Blog Awards Nominee


I've been nominated for a couple of Really Fucking Stupid Blog Awards. Seriously, that's what these awards are called. If you want to help me pimp myself then please click the link and vote for me.

The categories I am nominated for are:

1) The 2 bloggers who (together) would have the best looking kids:
Mama Duck (TKW) with Memphis Steve
Memphis Steve with Kami

I am so torn on this one. I love them both. What can I tell you? When is polygamy becoming legal? Why can't I be with all the beautiful womens that I love so much?

2) do you talk about anything else?

OK, I am not nominated in this one, but Rachel Queen of Slackers is. Go vote for her. She's a cutie!

3) Blogger most likely to live in a trailer park.

Yeah, thanks so much. I am so proud, I just can't tell you. Still, I am a shameless hussy and want to win in every category, so go vote for me, you trailerphobes!

5)Blogger with the best boobs

Oh, I am also not in this category, but the choices here are SO fabulous! I don't know who to vote for. I'm going to have to do this one by secret ballot. Oh, I could just sit and think about these ladies all day.

8) Male blogger who would look the best in a speedo.

Holy cow, HOW did I get nominated for this one?! You so do not want to see me in a speedo. But even so, vote for me or else I will put one on and make you look at it. You'll WISH you had voted for me just to avoid that one-eyed horror.

9) Blogger you most want to have over for dinner.

Yay me, I'm in this one, too! Do you wonder what sorts of things I talk about at the dinner table? Do you wonder if I talk about my poops and farts? Vote for me and find out!

OK, that's it.
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My Grass is Long

natalie shepherd


Bikini-clad women mow lawns in Memphis


Sun Jul 22, 2:24 PM ET


MEMPHIS, Tenn. - One lawn care company is showing a little skin to boost business.

The women of Tiger Time Lawn Care offer to mow customers' lawns dressed in bikinis — a service that attracts more attention to the ladies than the lawns.

"Oh yeah, they honk and yell. They can do everything you can imagine," said employee Blair Beckman, 21.

Beckman said the extra attention is expected, but she looks on the bright side.

"You get the attention but you also get a tan, which I need," Beckman said.

Owner Lee Cathey said the bikini service makes mowing the lawn a lot more interesting, although the fee is slightly higher.

"The yards definitely get more attention when there's a bikini on the lawn," Cathey said. Some customers sit in lawn chairs and have a beer while watching, he said.

The three-month-old company is looking for a way to expand the service through the end of summer.

"In the fall we'll go pick up leaves in the bikinis if need be," Cathey said.

Cathey said there hasn't been any interest in a male version of the bikini lawn cut.
------
Apparently, they're not the first to come up with this idea.

bikini lawn care
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Duckaphobic Feminist

We went for a bike ride tonight. It was an amazing day overall, or appeared to be at first. All through the neighborhoods, as we pedalled along, I'd wave to people, even attractive female people, and they'd wave back and smile. I was stunned. This has never happened before in the entire 8 years that we have lived here in Redneckville.

We passed a lonely man sitting on his front porch. He was listening to Journey on his radio. He looked oddly similar to Rooster, my neighbor, only with short hair. He didn't wave back.

Out on the main street, 2 girls were standing on the sidewalk talking and trying to see what sort of boy-reaction they could get without being obvious. 4 boys in a convertible Mustang passed them. They revved the engine and shouted "Woooo!"

The girls smiled in obvious satisfaction.

We biked all the way down to Wolf River, about 6 miles away, and stopped for a rest. There were other people there already, sitting on the benches and looking out at the water. Slowly, I became aware that everyone else there was a couple, like us, and about our same age. Two of the couples had kids. One couple had a little dog. We had nothing. The couples with kids looked healthy, happy, and fullfilled. The couple with the little dog looked old, defeated, tired and out of place. And we, we looked as we do, whatever that means.

We biked back towards home again. At Wolf River Park we took time to bike around the lake. We passed a fat woman who had 3 kids with her. I couldn't help but notice them because the 2 girls were screaming in terror.

I quickly looked around to see what was going on. They were screaming in terror at the ducks, who were running from the woman. The woman was ranting about rape and misogyny and all sorts of feminist bumpersticker bullshit. She was urging the girls to kill the male duck. The girls were trying to kill him as she had instructed, in between screaming and running from him whenever he turned around. The poor girls believed the ugly woman's madness to be reality. They had no way of knowing that this adult woman was a lunatic. They were terrorized by her 'gender lens' as it was being applied to the ducks, who were simply attempting to mate as God intended. One girl nearly ran straight into me on my bike as I rode through their screaming crime scene.

The woman, now seeing me, grew instantly silent, shushing her girls and standing stone still as I passed. Apparently, despite her feminist madness, she was at least aware enough of reality to be ashamed of what she was doing when other adults were around. Her girls, being no older than 6 or so, could not so easily turn off the terror she had filled them with. They kept screaming. I could see in their eyes that their terror was very real and very intense. They were crying.

I rode through slowly, as it was difficult to navigate through the chaos that this truly ugly woman was causing. I got a good look at her. She had a redish-brown ponytail, no makeup, glasses, crazed blue eyes of hate, and she was fat. She was ugly from the inside out. The 3 children with her all had beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes. If these were her kids, they bore only a vague resemblance to her.

I looked back at them as I passed. They immediately returned to trying to kill the duck, with the fat bitch now yelling "leave her alone" at the male duck. Apparently it never occurred to her to ask the female duck how she felt about all of this. The female duck was running from the woman and the girls, too. In fact, all the female ducks were running from these terrorists. The male duck trying to mate with one of them seemed to be the very least of their concerns.

I came to a bridge. A black couple was walking away from it. The woman said to me, "there's a snake on the bridge. We just turned around."

I had a feminist lunatic behind me and a snake in front of me. I had to choose.

I rode for the snake.

I pedalled faster, crossing the bridge in record time, rolling over the snake without even looking at it. It paid me little attention as my knobby tires pounded harmlessly over its' back. I continued on. So did the snake.

I rounded the lake and rode to the opposite side. I could see the feminist and her brood still standing in the midst of the ducks, still terrorizing them. I stopped and watched.

The woman was now looking around to make sure no one saw what she was doing. Up to this point she had only made brief attempts to kick and stomp the male duck, trying to be discrete about her cruelty to animals, if not her hatred for males. She had been mostly using the children to do her dirty work. But now, looking up and down the path and seeing no one watching her, she pushed the girls aside and began chasing her feathered male victim entirely by herself. She ran as a madwoman around the path, into the grass, and finally deep into the woods, where all the ducks, male and female alike, had fled in an attempt to escape this crazed, man-hating, homocidal maniac. She was screaming, "LEAVE HER ALONE" as if the ducks' perfectly natural act of reproduction was some sort of horrific crime, a horrible spectacle of the mythical epidemic of violence against women, or women ducks as it were.

There were four of them in all. There was the woman, consumed with her hatred of men and sex and reproduction and, apparently, male ducks. There was the oldest girl, who appeared to be 6 or older, with beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair, a future heartbreaker to be sure. There was the younger girl, who also had beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair. The two girls had been running around and screaming. I had seen only the terror and tears in their eyes as I passed. And then there was the last one, the boy. He was tiny. He was sitting on a little 4 wheeled toy that he pushed along with his feet. He was no older than 2 or 3. He, too, had blue eyes and blonde hair. He had not been screaming. He had been sitting quietly, with his fingers in his mouth and a look in his eyes of both sadness and fear. He hadn't moved the entire time. He was forgotten. He was completely ignored by the madwoman whom I can only assume to be his mother. He wasn't watching the ducks or his sisters. He had been watching the madwoman. He was looking at her and making an expression of a child on the verge of tears. But he did not cry. He never made a sound or shed a tear. He simply sat alone and chewed his fingers in silence, watching the woman run away from him, off into the woods on her quest to kill the male duck.

The snake had crossed the bridge. I could see people jumping off the path as it came towards them and slithered past, heading in the direction of the madwoman and her ducks. In fact, it appeared to be heading straight for the boy.

No one did anything. I watched them as they leaped aside, watched the snake go past, then looked back at the boy and made expressions of horror. But then they did nothing. They just let it go and waited to see what would happen.

The woman was still ranting and running through the woods. I checked my pockets for a cell phone. I wanted to call the police and have her arrested and perhaps have the children taken from her. I had no phone. And there was no one nearby to ask for one. I turned back to watching the boy.

The snake was virtually on top of him now. He was uniquely vulernable, being so small and sitting so close to the ground on his little toy. He was an easy target. He sat in complete silence, still eating his fingers, still looking as if he wanted to cry but knew it to be useless. He had his back to the snake.

The woman was barely visible now. She and the girls were so deep into the woods that they were now only silhouettes, shrinking off into the distance. They had abandoned the boy completely.

The snake was right behind him. I wanted to shout, but there was no one to shout to. No one was nearby.

And then, suddenly, the boy leaped up from his little toy. He ran in a panic with arms outstretched after his mother, the same woman who had left him all alone in a public park, sitting on a path next to a large lake, with complete strangers and terrorized ducks.

And a snake.

I rode on, wishing for a cell phone and cursing my luck at not having one.

It was an odd ride home. Again, friendly people waved at us. No one ever waves in Redneckville. Never. This is one of the reasons we have always wanted to leave. It has always been so unfriendly. Shit, if it had been friendly before we'd have simply moved to a larger home right here instead of heading out into the Boondocks.

After 5 of 6 miles, we were back in our own neighborhood. 2 attractive girls and their boyfriends/husands were sitting in their driveway looking at their motorcycles and talking. I waved. They waved back.

This is so weird.

Then I passed the lonely guy, the guy who reminded me oddly of Rooster, the guy who had been listening to an old song by Journey when we had passed by an hour or so before. He was drunk now. He screamed something about "JD." I waved. He thrust his finger in my direction and screamed again, "mumble mumble JD!" Yeah, whatever, dude.

I turned onto my street. I looked to my right and saw the entire gang that had been partying over at Roosters on Friday. They were partying in the driveway of another house. I saw all the usual guys, and I saw the 2 girls. The girl with the long blonde hair I don't know. The other girl, the beautiful girl with long dark hair, I know very well. She's my neighbor. Her mother has beautiful red hair and is very nice. They're good people. I'll miss them when we move. She's a cheerleader, probably a senior by now, perhaps just graduated. The blonde girl is probably a friend of hers. Between the two of them, they keep the guys jumping. I have a feeling that the 2 girls run the show. There used to be a third girl, also very pretty, but she's gone to live with her dad. So it's just the 2 girls and a whole army of guys. It's summer and they're just hanging out, some getting ready to head off to college soon. Others having to go back to school here in Redneckville in the fall.

As I write this they're slowly gathering again over at Rooster's, just across the street. The guys usually show up first. The girls show up later. But it's Sunday night and many of them have to work tomorrow. This party may not be as big as Friday's.

I'm going to bed. But before I do, I'll probably pray for that little boy. Unless a miracle occurs and he is taken from that woman, he hasn't got a prayer in this world.


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Party

It's nearly midnight and there's a party going on over at Rooster's house across the street. Chad is there with him. Every high school and college kid in the neighborhood is there smoking and drinking and hanging out. Chad is at least 25. Rooster is over 45. Everone else is somewhere around Chad's age or younger, I think. I recognize many of them.

I keep peeking out the window at them. I think they see me and it sort of annoys them. I guess they assume I disapprove or want to call the law or something.

You know what I really want?

I want to go join the party.

funnel girls
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Woman Leaves Kids to Go Pose Nude In Woods

naked tilly

Woman leaves kids to pose nude in woods


Thu Jul 19, 7:37 PM ET


SYRACUSE, N.Y. - A 20-year-old Syracuse woman who left children in her care to go pose for nude photos is facing several charges of endangering the welfare of a child.

Police say Michelle Rendino was supposed to be watching four young girls yesterday when she left them alone and went into the woods near Syracuse's Inner Harbor to have a man take nude photos of her.

A man fishing saw the children crying and called police. When police arrived, the oldest girl — a six-year-old — told police that "Aunt Michelle" went into the woods to take "nasty pictures."

Rendino says she asked the man to take nude photos of her so she could get back at her ex-boyfriend.

The children were returned safely to their mother.


OK, call me a perv if you want to, but my FIRST THOUGHT after reading this article was:

GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH: Michelle Rendino


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A Survey Doohickey

sophie's eyes

1. Were you named after anyone?
Yes, I was named after my older brother. You know, 'cause he was named first.

2. When was the last time you cried?
I don't know. Perhaps it was the last time I played soccer and this son-of-a-bitch hook-kicked me in the groin while he took a dive to draw a penalty. I don't know why he did it since he had already kicked the ball into the goal, but I guess some people are just assholes. I ended up in the hospital with a separated shoulder, a sprained neck, a mild concussion, and two severely bruised and swollen testicles. Oh, and the ref actually stopped them taking me off the field to the hospital to yellow card me because he didn't know what happened and just assumed I must have pushed the fucker (I never even made contact with him beyond my genitals and his foot.) While I was in the ER, the asshole did the same thing to another one of our players. I never heard whether he got another yellow card on us out of it or not. Turns out he was an illegal player in the first place, a ringer from the University of Memphis.

3. Do you like your handwriting?
It's been so long since I've even seen my own handwriting, who can say? I use a keyboard.

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?
How boring is this question? My favorite lunch meat? I'd have to say, Carmen Electra over easy on white bread. And I'm the white bread.

5. Do you have kids?
Let's just not even discuss this.

6. If you were another person would you be friends with you?
Yes, in fact, if I were another person who happened to be a really hot girl, I'd be my secret lover.

7. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Noooo, I never use sarcasm!

8. Do you still have your tonsils?
Tonsils and testicles, yep, still have all of them.

9. Would you bungee jump?
Sure, why not?

10. What is your favorite cereal?
Geez, again with the food? I guess I'd say, Carmen Electra in milk. She stays crispy.

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Yes, and then I kick them into the ceiling fan to see if I can thread it between the blades and hit the ceiling, too. It's a game I like to play. My wife calls it, "wrecking the ceiling fan, you dumbass."

12. Do you think you are strong?
No, I had a shower just this morning. I'm clean and odor free.

13. What is your favorite ice cream?
Carmen Electra with chocolate syrup

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Whether or not they appear to be armed.

kates tiny top

15. Pink or red?
Pink and swollen with enthusiasm

16. What is the least favorite thing about yourself?
I'm too good-looking. Sometimes I feel guilty about it.

17. Who do you miss the most?
The neighbor's tom cat. I used to be a crack shot with my old BB gun, but I'm out of practice and he's damned lucky.

18. Do you want everyone to send this back to you?
No, not everyone. Not those Nigerian bankers who want to share millions of found dollars with me and those UK lottery notifiers who tell me I'm rich. They can just keep it.

19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
This is a survey of desperation, isn't it? What kind of food do I like? What pants am I wearing? I'm wearing some lame khaki Dockers and poop brown shoes. My coworker, by the way, is wearing an identical pair of khaki Dockers along with his fucking pink shirt again. What's up with that?

20. What was the last thing you ate?
Carmen El ... wait, that was just a dream. Dammit. I woke up with my mouth watering and morning wood like oak.

21. What are you listening to right now?
The sounds of my coworkers talking about the Hooters bikini contest that's going on today.

22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Oh good God, what a question! I guess I'd be blood red.

23. Favorite smells?
Did I mention my dream about Carmen Electra?

24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My wife, calling to tell me that I left my cell phone at the new house and it was ringing when she walked in the door to find the house filled with Clorox bleach fumes.

25. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Yes, she's a sweetie!

26. Favorite sports to watch?
Nude female supermodel ultimate fighting

27. Eye Color
Is this a question? You want to know my eye color or my favorite eye color? I like Carmen Electra's eyes. I like Cindy Crawford's eyes. I like eyes that make your heart beat faster. I like eyes that make you feel passion just by looking at you.

cindy crawford eyes

28. Do you wear contacts?
No, but if you need me to in order to roll play and get this freak on then I will.

29. Favorite food?
Geez, again with the food questions? I like taco. I like fish. I like Carmen Electra. How many ways can I say this?

30. Scary movies or happing endings?
Scary movies with happy endings. I hate that shit where they do weird things like the girl finally makes it home with her daughter and her husband is worried and calling her and they get a connection, but can't hear each other. And then she is home and he is home, but they are somehow in alternate realities so that they cannot see each other and are not together. That just pissed me off. She was pretty hot though.

31. Last movie you watched?
The one I just bitched about the ending of, Dark Town or City of Darkness or something.

32. What color shirt are you wearing?
Oh I see, you got my pants and shoes and now you want my shirt, too? This sounds suspiciously like you are stalking me and trying to find out how to spot me. My shirt is three colors: green, blue, and red. I blend into the walls like a chameleon.

33. Summer or winter?
Summer at the beach.

34. Hugs or kisses?
Yes please.

35. Favorite dessert?
This quiz came out of some women's magazine, didn't it? All this talk about food, it has to have been from some women's magazine, probably between the Rate Your Mate article and the feminist propaganda about why men all suck article.

36. Most likely to respond?
Carmen Electra, with her address and phone number.

37. Least likely to respond?
That sexy German Moscone girl who nearly got kicked off the bus for her awesome breasts that distracted the driver.

38. What book are you reading now?
Blink

39. What is on your mouse pad?
It's solid black

40. What did you watch on TV last night?
Beauty and the Geek

41. Favorite sound?
Yes! Yes! Yes!

42. Rolling stones or Beatles?
Depends on my mood

43. What is the furthest you have been from home?
Either Ontario or one of the Caribbean islands. I don't know which was further.

44. Do you have a special talent?
I used to. I haven't gotten to use it in awhile. If Carmen would fucking call me we could see if I can still do it, dammit.

45. Where were you born?
In the same hospital where my brother and youngest sister were born, where my youngest sister nearly died at age 18, and my father did die.

46. Whose answers are you looking forward to getting back?
Is there anyone out there? Hellooooooooooo! You! Yes, you behind the drapes. Stand still, laddie!

halle berry
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Debora Moscone - Too Sexy for My Bus

debora moscone bus pass
Debora Moscone
sexy German girl

A bus driver in Lindau, Germany, threatened to throw 20-year-old sales clerk Debora Moscone off the bus because she is too sexy.

Debora's cleavage was reflected in the driver's rearview mirror, and every time he tried to use his mirror all he saw were her fabulous and tanned 20-year-old breasts. He stopped the bus and told her, "your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can't concentrate on the traffic. If you don't sit somewhere else, I'm going to have to throw you off the bus."

Debora said she was humiliated by the situation, but now she is fast becoming an internet sex-symbol.

debora moscone too sexy for this bus
Debora and her famous cleavage
Too sexy for this bus

A bus company spokesman responded by saying, "The bus driver is allowed to do that and he did the right thing," the spokesman said. "A bus driver cannot be distracted because it's a danger to the safety of all the passengers."

This could never happen in America. But of course, all the passengers would likely be dead because the driver would have wrecked rather than risk a sexual harassment lawsuit for asking her to move. You gotta love the Germans. Especially the 20-year-old female Germans with cleavage that could wreck a bus!


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Maryland police sexually assault wrong man

Md. police raid the wrong apartment, kick resident in groin before realizing their mistake


Published: Friday, June 8, 2007 12:48 PM ET



ANNAPOLIS, Md. (AP) - Annapolis police raided the wrong apartment Wednesday night, using flash grenades and kicking a resident in the groin before they realized their mistake, police and the family said.

Police spokesman Hal Dalton said something must have gone amiss in the briefing beforehand. "We don't know how the mistake was made," Dalton said.

Silvia Bernal, 30, told The (Annapolis) Capital that about 15 officers burst through the front door of her apartment while she was cooking dinner about 8:20 p.m. She said the officers kicked her husband in the groin while she fled into a bedroom and barred the door with her body*.

Then she said both of them were taken to the ground and handcuffed. The Capital said a police officer went outside and realized they had raided the wrong residence.

Dalton said they were supposed to have raided a different apartment and said the incident was regrettable.

Spa Cove apartment manager Latisha Marshall says there is a large dent in the front door. And she said there are two large black stains from the flash-bang grenades police deployed after entering the apartment.

When officers and the city's tactical squad went to the right unit, they said it was empty.


* Perhaps with sexual assault of males being now so commonly and so casually used it might be considered understandable that the residents of this apartment complex were unable to tell the difference between the 'good guys' and the bad guys?
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My Mother Taught Me

mom in curlers

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done: "if you two are going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning in here".

My mother taught me religion: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet".

My mother taught me time travel:" If you don't straighten up, I am going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me logic:" because I said so, thats why"

My mother taught me forsight: "make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you are in a accident."

My mother taught me irony:" keep crying and I will give you something to cry about"

My mother taught me about contortionism:"will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck"

My mother taught me about stamina: "you'll sit there all day until that spinach is gone"

My mother taught me about weather: "that room of yours looks like a tornado went through it"

My mother taught me about the circle of life:" I brought you into this world, and I can take you out"

My mother taught meabout behavior modification:"stop acting like your father"

My mother taught me about envy: "there are millions of less fortunate children is this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do"

My mother taught me about anticipation:" just wait till we get home"

My mother taught me about recieving:" you are going to get it when you get home"

My mother taught me about medical science:"if you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way"

My mother taught me about justice: "one day I hope you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"
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Made for Each Other

clean it uptake it from bob
Orbit Girl and Enzyte Bob
Made for Each Other?


In a world ruled by men, the message is "take it from Bob."

Think about it. 'Take it' from Bob. And he's got that huge grin. I guess if you're walking around shagging the whole world you'd be smiling, too.

In a world ruled by women, the message is "clean it up."

Yeah, that's about right.

Hey, did you know that the girl who plays the Orbit girl is Johnny Depp's love interest in the new Pirates movie? She's Giselle. She was also in Maxim and Stuff magazines, wearing a much more revealing bathing suit and looking just a bit sexier. And she was apparently on "Lost" as well. Who knew?

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Memphis GQ

pink shirted blogger
Pink?

I have a quick question. This is mostly for the ladies, but obviously any input is of interest, so I'm not going to just ask the womenses.

Also, I'd like to point out that I try never to criticize my coworkers at any job where I am actively working and this is no exception. I am not criticizing, I am just curious.

What kind of message do you suppose a man is trying to send by wearing a bright pink polo shirt to work? Now, before you answer, let me fill in a little information. He's about 21 or so, wears a full beard and mustache, round John Lennon-style glasses, and seems to like pinks, yellows, and baby blues.

Again, I have nothing against this guy. He's brand new and I don't know him at all, but he seems smart and hard working. No offense meant. I just think the pink is a bit odd.
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Un-Air-able Banned Mythbuster Fart episode part 2

Adam lights up

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Un-Air-able Banned Mythbuster Fart Episode part 1 Keri Byron

Kari farts like a champ!

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New Age Quiz Meme Thingy

I stole this from Siren. She didn't say not to, so I'm assuming it's OK. If it isn't, I may have to have sex with her to try to make up for it*. And if that fails, I may have to try again. Darn.

lake, big lake

Answer the following questions with the first thought that comes to mind. Then read which each answer means.

1.You are not alone. You are walking in the woods with someone. Who is it?
Kate Beckinsale and she's dressed in black leather and latex.

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?
A squirrel.

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
He looks at me, then runs out into the street in search of my tires so he can throw himself underneath one. Why do they always do this?!

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe it?
Big two-story ranch house with big front porch. The woman who lives there with me loves me and we have a family.

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
No, wide open grass with trees along back of property.

6. You enter the house. You walk in to the dining room and see the dining room table. Whats on it?
Nothing

7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
coffee cup and I know I didn't leave it there. Wife must have used it in the garden. Dammit, we have a trowel!

8. What do you do with the cup?
Take it in the house and wash it.

9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What kind of body of water is it?
There is no body of water on my property. Are you forcing me to have one? Fine. It's a lake.

10. How will you cross the water?
A fishing boat filled with 14 other people who are drunk and shooting fireworks. The boat sinks and the DA wants to prosecute someone. Honestly, I don't want to cross it. I have my house and my property. Why would I leave it?


STOP HERE. Don't continue reading until you have your answers.

Ready? OK. Start reading again.



Here's what it all means:

1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life.
She'll be thrilled to hear that.

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.
Well geez, unless you live in Montana it isn't all that likely that you're going to encounter anything much larger than a squirrel. Not around here anyway. I would have answered Grizzly bear if I'd been thinking along these lines.

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.
I watch them run out in the road and get run over?

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.
It's a nice sized house, but I don't think it's big enough to do the job. Somebody please pray for me.

5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced.
I love people. Especially women-type people. But basically anyone who is decent and friendly is welcomed.

6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.
Perhaps. Or perhaps I am simply unimaginative.

7. The durability of the material which the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.
It is glass, like a coffee cup. How durable is that? Anyway, it's microwavable. So that should count for something I should think.

8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude.
Eh? What? I don't understand this at all.

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.
Bwa ha! Once they forced me to have water, I pictured it huge. How ironic. How frustrating.

10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.
Um, what? So what does that mean? If I swam it then I consider my sex life to be supremely important, but because I got in a boat, which sank, by the way, that means I don't consider it important? Or do I get bonus points for the sinking part? I guess I should, 'cause that means I had to swim eventually. And with 14 other people even. Hmm.

dive in

* OK, so she may not consider it sufficient payment for me to have sex with her. I realize this, but as this is my blog I thought I'd just pretend.

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Lovely

I was just over on a Canadian blog reading about a girl whose elderly neighbor is annoying her with all his obnoxious shouting at his wife. A girl commented that she thinks she should call the police and report it as domestic violence. She said she has done that many times to all her neighbors.

I couldn't help but think of all the terrible things I've heard about life in the Soviet Union, where anyone could call and report anyone else as being anti-revolution and anti-communist and have them arrested. To be charged was to be declared guilty, without trial or evidence, much as the accusation of domestic violence is today when leveled against a man by any random woman.

She assured the girl that every time she has ever called to make the horrific accusation against a random male neighbor, the police have always kept her completely anonymous. Thus, the accused is never even permitted any opportunity to face his accuser.

When did a man's words become worse than a woman's knife or shotgun? How can Western Women be supremely convinced of their own macho invincibility and at the same time view each other as more frail than a butterfly, such that a man's mere voice is a death blow?

When did it become officially accepted that every woman who cuts off a man's penis or blows him away while he's sleeping is a hero and "real victim" rather than simply a cold-blood sex-offender or murderer, as she would be were she a man committing such an atrocity? When did such extreme anti-male hatred become the norm?

In Ontario, when a random neighbor accuses a male person of domestic violence, the state immediately freezes all his assets, including his life savings, retirement, and house, and transfers ownership of them to the woman he is alleged to have abused with his words, withdrawing a substantial percentage for itself as 'taxes'. This is done the moment he is arrested, without evidence or trial, and even if the woman insists she was not abused.

Should a true miracle occur and the accused male not be convicted, trying to get his life savings and house back is exceedingly difficult. But no worries, because it is so rare that an accused man is ever found not guilty or even permitted to fight the charges.

Reading how casual the commenting girl was about her frequent accusations to the police put a chill in my bones. She seemed totally convinced of her righteousness, like a Pilgrim accusing a random neighbor of witchcraft. She expressed no concern whatever for the consquences to the accused should her accusations be false. It didn't seem to have ever crossed her mind that such a thing could even be possible.
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Really Stupid Blog Awards

I was just informed that the infamous Blog Awards are accepting nominations again. The categories are completely different this time around, so if you get a chance, go take a look and nominate somebody.

Best Boobs award - oh my God, this was such a hard one. I know I left several out without meaning to. Tell you what, if you ladies will just send me pictures of your boobs I'll decide which of you to nominate.
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Never Boring in Memphis

Herenton Rips "White Media" in Memphis
Memphis Mayor Willie Herenton has officially filed for re-election, and his campaign has started with a huge controversy. Herenton denies that any of his statements have caused racial troubles in this city. He says "the white media" is guilty of playing the race card. The Mayor and 3 On Your Side Watchdog Mike Matthews got into a pretty good little confrontation over this issue, and he has the story.

Last Wednesday, July 4th, a family of local Memphis-type folks loaded 14 of their loved ones into a small fishing boat and headed out onto the lake. Predictably, the boat sank. A little girl drowned, as apparently none of the morons swam very well or else they didn't notice she was there. So the local DA is considered filing criminal charges against the owner of the boat, basically because both he and his entire family are complete idiots. I don't know when it became a criminal offense to be dumb and suffer a tragedy because of it, but I think it sets a horrible precedent and solves nothing. They were dumb and lost a child because of it. They'll still be dumb after being bankrupted and imprisoned for being dumb. Nothing accomplished and no one satisfied. Politics as usual in this new progressive America.

Meanwhile, our very own beloved state senator Ophelia Ford is being indicted again. Apparently there is some sort of insurance fraud issue or something. I don't even know what they said because I don't care. The drug-addicted fruit-cake will get off somehow, as they always do, and be back in the Senate once again, screaming at random people about death certificates, how to benefit from insurance fraud, how to benefit from dead registered voters, and being generally unedumacated in her divafied opinion.

Yay Memphis!
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Today is 777

Today is 07/07/07.

Is this a lucky day? Maybe for someone, but not for me.

Is this the day Jesus is coming back? I don't think so, because it's already tomorrow in Australia, so unless Jesus is going to skip Australia it is already too late. I know Jesus won't skip Australia. That would just be wrong. Think of all those beautiful Australian women who need to go to Heaven and wait there for me. Jesus can't leave them behind. I need them.

Oh well. Today is 07/07/07. It's kind of neat. But it's not lucky, at least not for me, and it's not the day Jesus is coming back.
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Global Warming, Dude

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Former Vice President Al Gore's son is getting treatment following his arrest on suspicion of drug possession on Wednesday in Los Angeles, according to a Gore spokesman.

Marijuana and prescription drugs were found in the car Al Gore III was driving, police said.

Treatment means he was sent home to get high and watch Mtv.

Al Jr Jr

Al Gore III, 24, was arrested in Los Angeles early Wednesday after he was stopped for speeding, according to a sheriff's department spokesman.

Police found four types of prescription drugs in the car, but Gore did not have a prescription for any of them, according to Orange County Sheriff's Department spokesman Jim Amormino. He also said a small amount of marijuana was found in the car.

In an appearance on NBC's "Today Show" Thursday, former Vice President Al Gore said "Who? Who was arrested? I have a son? What?!"

"We are very concerened," the elder Gore said, "about global warming and the effects of marijuana smoking on the environment."

Gore III was released on bail Wednesday afternoon. His only statement upon exiting the jail was, "I thought Paris was here. Where is she?"

According to Amormino, Gore was driving south about 2:15 a.m. in his Toyota Prius, going 100 mph on the San Diego Freeway, when authorities stopped him.

"We had no idea," Amorino said, "that a Prius could even go that fast."

Amormino said a deputy smelled marijuana and searched his car, finding less than an ounce of pot, but also the prescription drugs Xanax, Valium, Vicodin and Adderall.

He said Gore did not have prescriptions for any of the drugs found in his possession, and that he claimed to be Doctor Gregory House.

"He did admit to smoking ... some marijuana shortly before the stop," Amormino told reporters in a brief news conference. "But in the video of the stop you can see the smoke pouring out the windows, so we didn't really need the confession. It looked like something out of a Cheech and Chong movie."

Gore had been booked into the Inmate Reception Center in Santa Ana on $20,000 bail. He faces three felony drug possession charges and one misdemeanor possession charge, each of which could result in a sentence of a stern slap on the wrist.

It has yet to be decided whether to charge him with the excessive speed because police can't decide whether they can convince a judge that a Prius could actually go that fast.

Amormino said the former vice president's son was not charged with driving under the influence because a drug expert determined he was not impaired.

The drug expert said "dude, he was very cooperative, like most potheads," and was "taken into custody without any, like, rough stuff or anything."

The arrest comes just days before Gore's father hosts an international concert to combat global warming.

The younger Gore has run afoul of the law before, including a previous arrest on a marijuana possession charge in 2003. In that case, police in Montgomery County, Maryland, pulled Gore over for not using his headlights. As with Wednesday's incident, the officer "smelled the odor of marijuana pouring from inside the car," according to police.

In a 2004 plea deal, Gore was sentenced to a substance abuse program and given a very stern "cut it out" from the judge.

In August 2000, North Carolina police charged Gore with reckless driving and speeding for driving 94 mph in a 55 mph zone. The reckless driving charges were later dropped, but he was fined $125 for speeding and his driving privileges in the state were suspended. Again, convincing a judge that a Prius could go 94 was a challenge in the case against Gore.

In September 2002, military police ticketed him for drunken driving near a military base in Virginia. He was not taken into custody at that time.
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I Think


I think Martina Navritalova was the first professional women's tennis player to use performance enhancing drugs and blood doping. But she was not the last.

I think Lance Armstrong doped.

I think Oprah is a dope.

I think all the hoopla about professional athletes using performance enhancing drugs is overblown. I watched Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire play AA ball before they made it big and let me tell you, we suspected steroids even back then. But when they hit that ball so high and so far out of the park, no one cared one bit. It was awesome to see. That's what fans want, whether they admit it or not. What they don't want, though, are assholes who think they are a god.

Kate

I think Kate Beckinsale is hot. And not just in an "I'd Do Her Till We're Sore" kind of way, either. I think she's hot in a Tea Leoni-like "I'd Marry Her" kind of way.

Tea

I think that if Mexicans were so awfully in love with Mexico then they would live there and we would all be mowing our own damn yards and hiring rednecks to reroof our homes. But they aren't, so we're all going to have to get used to hearing a lot of Spanish from now on unless our leaders decide to grow a pair and require the immigrants to assimilate into our society the way all countries used to do in order to ensure order and prevent chaos.

I think Bush believes that America has to create its' own version of the European Union in order to remain competitive. I think that's why he wants to open our borders and let the Mexicans flood in. But he seems to have little skill at expressing his biggest fears and hopes, including this one, so everyone is left in the dark while he grows frustrated that we aren't jumping onboard a plan we haven't even heard.

I think I'd like to live in Australia, but if I ever do I don't plan to reminisce about how great America was. People get really sick of hearing that sort of thing.
"Well, back where I come from, we did it like this ..."
"Oy mate, shut it!" POW!

I think it's damned hot outside.

I think the stolen elections in Chile, the Philippines, as well as several other countries during that same recent time-frame, which immediately resulted in the new and unpopular female president signing the U.N.'s CEDAW treaty as a payoff for being illegally placed in power by some wealthy American men, were simply practice runs for the U.S. presidential election of 2008, just to see if they could do it and deal with the uprising of the angry voters who knew that they were robbed. If I'm right, then all you Obama lovers are going to be very upset soon, and everyone else soon after that.

Gloria Arroyo protestors


I think the current leaders of the Republican Party, whomever they are, are inexperienced and rather clueless, without goals or convictions of any significance. They didn't care what their constituents elected their candidates to do and they had no intentions of ever doing any of it. Meanwhile, the current leaders of the Democratic Party are experienced, narcissistic in the extreme, highly motivated, and holding beliefs far more radical than their most loyal constituents even suspect or support.

I think the Toyota Prius is funny-looking. I don't care how much you love the environment. You can still love the environment and not look dorky. Why can't they make a hybrid that looks cool? Why not a hybrid Supra or Celica GT?

I think it's revealing that guys like George Soros, Warren Buffet, Rupert Murdoch, and Bill Gates all are supporting Hillary Clinton's political machine 100 percent, especially after the way Hillary drove the Justice Department to crucify Bill and hold Microsoft hostage in order to win him to her side as her personal eunuch. Most businessmen try to play both sides and appear impartial, but America's wealthiest men certainly aren't. They're all in Hillary's camp. Meanwhile, more and more Democrat women say they don't like Hillary and prefer Obama. It's only being whispered, but many Democrat women have a bad feeling about Hillary, that something is very wrong with her.

I think most people's instincts, or 'gut feelings', are more often on-the-money than we give them credit for, and I find that as I get older I trust mine more and more.

I think the research indicating that sociopaths make excellent investors and tend to make more money than ordinary people is probably true. God made every personality type for a reason and we all have our purpose. I think sociopaths are here to force the rest of us to get up and fight for what we say we believe in, or else they'll run us right over with their tireless quests for more money, more power, and more control. Without sociopaths to threaten us all, we'd probably just sit on our asses all day and wait for God to do everything for us.

I think the Good Guys rarely win. But we have trouble with this idea, so we sometimes convince ourselves that some very Bad Guys are actually Good. Then we can believe that the Good Guys won and all is right with the world. We like to believe that if we can just withstand the onslaught of evil long enough, eventually Justice will come and the evil will fall. But this only happens when good men rise up and fight evil to the death. Look at Stalin and Mao and Castro, just to name a few. They all lived to be old, never once expressing regret for their sins. To stop Hilter took all of Europe and America rising up against him.

I think it's just as wrong for women to only do business with other women as it is for men to only do business with other men. Judging from all the "women owned business" directories floating around in the Memphis grocery stores, women don't seem to feel this way at all. What's considered to be good for one is apparently not good for the other. Hypocrisy is ever-present.

woman owned man

I think the women-only beaches in Italy and the women-only markets filled with women-only businesses subsidized by the government in Pakistan and the women-only buses in Seattle and the women-only schools the feminists are building everywhere is as much an expression of a puritanical religious view of the sexes (women good, men evil) as anything the actual Puritans ever dreamed up.


I think that the West is simultaneously becoming both more religious and more hedonistic than ever before, but because we aren't calling it religion, most people don't recognize it as such. They think it has to come from a Baptist preacher to be religion, and can't possibly come from an atheist college professor or millionaire drug-addicted socialite. Words and language are more powerful and influential than most people realize. Where do you think the whole "women and men" vs "men and women" push came from?

I think I'm stressed.

I think just as fast as MySpace is stealing people away from Blogger, Facebook is stealing them away from MySpace. But I'm not a huge fan of Facebook any more than I am of MySpace. And I have neglected my accounts on both.

I think I will be requesting another write-in ballot for the November elections and voting for myself for several positions. For any job I don't think I could do I'll write in one of you bloggers. Are Canadians allowed to serve in the Tennessee state government? How about Texans and Australians? Hell, they probably wouldn't even notice anyway. You could be Lt. Governor for years before they figured out that you actually live in Sydney and have never even been to Tennessee. "Lt Governor Stephanie. Isn't she lovely? And she has that wonderful accent, calling people 'mate' all the time. I wonder what part of Tennessee she's from?"

I think the Republican Party has been spelling my name "Steevn Joanes" on piles of junk-mail for several years now, and the idiocy and apathy of this seemingly insignificant slight is actually quite revealing, as is the fact that they have never once sent me anything requesting to know what I think or want beyond their own predefined list of issues that I don't care so much about. Meanwhile, the Democrats have never tried to contact me at all. Not once.

I think a strange odor suddenly sprang up in our master bedroom closet and we have no idea what the hell it is or where it came from. But just as suddenly as it appeared, it disappeared again.

I think driving My Father's old car is depressing, but as I refuse to buy anything from Ford due to its' recent political and religious stances on issues it should not even be involved in, I guess I won't be buying that Mustang any time soon. At the same time, my sister is offering to sell me her Bronco and I may buy it. Yes, I'm aware of how screwed up this is. But My Wife wants my dad's stinky old wagon gone NOW.

I think I need to poop.

I think there is a message on my machine here at work and I haven't listened to it all morning. It's probably OK, though. I think it's from me.

I think I'm tired.

I think Jerry Jones, owner of the Cowboys, and their last coach are so focused on criticizing players for their faults that they've created an atmosphere of failure in Dallas. No matter who they bring in and no matter how good they are as soon as they get to the Cowboys they suddenly can't perform. I see a problem and I don't think it's the players. I think the owner and his staff is the problem.

I think Mia Hamm took a dive several times in the women's big World Cup win against China. I even have a picture of one of them she did to draw a penalty. I have a lot of respect for Mia Hamm as an athlete, but this sort of thing is why soccer won't replace football in America. Taking a dive is weak, but it's just part of the game in soccer. In football, men ram head-on into one another, with the strongest man running over the weaker man. In soccer, one man throws himself to the ground and cries that he's been murdered, and if he gets the penalty then he's considered to have won. How weak is that?

I think that to get on the Spike TV show "Pros vs Joes" you have to take your shirt off and act like a total ass in your audition video. I think you have to convince the guys picking the Joes that it would be totally kickass to see you get your head knocked off by one of the pro football players they sic on you.

I think "Wheel of Fortune" and in fact, most TV game shows, are rigged to help the person the show's producer likes most to win. They never say the shows aren't rigged. It was once illegal, but I don't believe it is anymore. There's really no reason not to. The target audience wants to see the person they most identify with win.

I think the abuse of the Taser is eroding public confidence in the police. I think this is the fault of the Taser corporation itself, as it encourages the view that their weapon, which is basically nothing more than a torture device, is no more harmful than a fluffy pillow. I think the idea that short-tempered cops are running around tasering average citizens at the drop of a hat is growing in popularity, whether it has any basis in reality or not. I also think that the use of the Taser on the groin, as encouraged by Taser, is going to lead to a massive class-action lawsuit that could bankrupt the company. I think they have it coming, though, whether it ever happens or not.

I think Disney has been run by pedophiles and perverts since the '80s and is more likely to pollute and corrupt Pixar than Pixar is to rescue Disney.

I think my farts don't stink, but Axe body spray does.

I think Rosie got fired for offending Barbara Walters and not for offending the audience.

I think Isaiah Washington got fired for saying the word 'fag' and not for assaulting Patrick Dempsey.

I think Lindsay Lohan is so wasted that her career is all but over already.

I think Paris Hilton is a sociopath who learned very little from going to jail beyond how to better get away with things and thus avoid going to jail in the future.

I think Britney Spears is struggling not to end up like Lindsay Lohan.

I think Tara Reid was Lindsay's prototype.

I think Christina Aguilera started to go down the whore path but wisely changed her mind.

I think Alanis Morissette was literally driven crazy by feminists in the music business encouraging her to dwell on hate so they could make more money off her resulting music. I think they were disappointed when she cracked and her music went to hell, but only because they didn't get any money out of it.

I think Hillary is working overtime to assassinate Obama but is getting less help from her girlfriends in the media than she expected, and certainly far less than she is accustomed to. But she has those billionaires behind her, so she's not too worried.

I think it really doesn't matter what I think. It affects absolutely nothing. But blogging often helps to relieve stress, so here it all is, as random and meandering as it can possibly be.

I think I wrote this several months ago and only just now posted it for no particular reason at all, with just a few additions here and there.

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